Homework

Today was a good day.  Actually, it was a great day.  God answered a prayer for me today.  I put my problems in His hands and He made the decision how to handle them.  Well, He always makes the decisions but this time I actually let go and waited (albeit not patiently!).  It's probably the hardest thing I've done in a while.  If you read my last post or know me at all you've caught on that I'm a little bit of a control freak :)

I love taking pictures of the clouds.
They remind me that there is always a rainbow after the rain...

I was thinking tonite about my sister in law and smiling :)  It's so nice to see the ones you love truly happy.  I wasn't planning on blogging tonite but instead was going to catch up on her blogs and do some "homework".  I have a link to her blog on my browser and when I clicked on it tonite I never could have imagined what I would read...


Some things never change
SO I come to my keyboard tonight drained and a little blank. Today my Father in Law had a stroke and the resulting damage could hamper his quality of life. I don't know the extent to which his body is damaged but his spirit is inspiring. Whatever its borne of, he has a grin plastered on his face and is chuckling and cutting up with loved ones through his tense desire to get home. His spirit is undaunted by his health, he is wanting to get up and run down the halls. As fustrating as that is, it is also reassuring. His core is still with us and intact, and as unforgettable and as strong of a character as he is, it seems as if his strength transcends and will always be with us thankfully. Its just the way he is. Some things will never change. He must have done a few things really right in his life to produce the two grown adults that I call my husband and sister in law. I'm glad beyond belief that his light gets to shine in our lives for a while longer.

Wow.  Wasn't expecting that.  As it turns out apparently it took me to a blog post in March.  I fully anticipated reading uplifting, happy thoughts and rambles from her :)  She's a beautifully talented artist.  In many ways.  She's one of those people that can just sit down and write and it comes out flawlessly.  At least that's the way I picture it.  It definitely brought me back to the present.

Yet again, tonite I'm avoiding what I should be doing.  This is not what I intended on doing tonite but I just had to talk this through after reading Jen's post from March, so thanks for being my sounding board.    I pray that this will get easier on me.  Everyone says it will.  And I want to believe them but I can't imagine ever "getting over" these emotions.  Right now I'm trusting in my doctors that they know how to guide me through this and doing my "homework" from them by journaling (believe it or not, this is not my actual journal...that's private!) nightly.  It's incredibly hard to face these feelings head on but I'm forcing myself to do it.  I will always love and miss Dad but hopefully I won't have these daily crying sessions...

I have laundry in the washer and dryer, bottles to wash and fill, vacuuming to do, and a host of other things I'm sure I could come up with in no time.  I'm good at that. Why is it that I always tend to wait until the last possible minute to get something done?  It's almost like a rush of adrenaline.  Anyways, I'm rambling.  I've got some "homework" to do...

Love,

E