Homework

Today was a good day.  Actually, it was a great day.  God answered a prayer for me today.  I put my problems in His hands and He made the decision how to handle them.  Well, He always makes the decisions but this time I actually let go and waited (albeit not patiently!).  It's probably the hardest thing I've done in a while.  If you read my last post or know me at all you've caught on that I'm a little bit of a control freak :)

I love taking pictures of the clouds.
They remind me that there is always a rainbow after the rain...

I was thinking tonite about my sister in law and smiling :)  It's so nice to see the ones you love truly happy.  I wasn't planning on blogging tonite but instead was going to catch up on her blogs and do some "homework".  I have a link to her blog on my browser and when I clicked on it tonite I never could have imagined what I would read...


Some things never change
SO I come to my keyboard tonight drained and a little blank. Today my Father in Law had a stroke and the resulting damage could hamper his quality of life. I don't know the extent to which his body is damaged but his spirit is inspiring. Whatever its borne of, he has a grin plastered on his face and is chuckling and cutting up with loved ones through his tense desire to get home. His spirit is undaunted by his health, he is wanting to get up and run down the halls. As fustrating as that is, it is also reassuring. His core is still with us and intact, and as unforgettable and as strong of a character as he is, it seems as if his strength transcends and will always be with us thankfully. Its just the way he is. Some things will never change. He must have done a few things really right in his life to produce the two grown adults that I call my husband and sister in law. I'm glad beyond belief that his light gets to shine in our lives for a while longer.

Wow.  Wasn't expecting that.  As it turns out apparently it took me to a blog post in March.  I fully anticipated reading uplifting, happy thoughts and rambles from her :)  She's a beautifully talented artist.  In many ways.  She's one of those people that can just sit down and write and it comes out flawlessly.  At least that's the way I picture it.  It definitely brought me back to the present.

Yet again, tonite I'm avoiding what I should be doing.  This is not what I intended on doing tonite but I just had to talk this through after reading Jen's post from March, so thanks for being my sounding board.    I pray that this will get easier on me.  Everyone says it will.  And I want to believe them but I can't imagine ever "getting over" these emotions.  Right now I'm trusting in my doctors that they know how to guide me through this and doing my "homework" from them by journaling (believe it or not, this is not my actual journal...that's private!) nightly.  It's incredibly hard to face these feelings head on but I'm forcing myself to do it.  I will always love and miss Dad but hopefully I won't have these daily crying sessions...

I have laundry in the washer and dryer, bottles to wash and fill, vacuuming to do, and a host of other things I'm sure I could come up with in no time.  I'm good at that. Why is it that I always tend to wait until the last possible minute to get something done?  It's almost like a rush of adrenaline.  Anyways, I'm rambling.  I've got some "homework" to do...

Love,

E

Memories...

My heart has been heavy today with thoughts of my Dad.

Everyone has their own way of coping with things.  I like to be in control of everything.  I like lists.  I like organized things.  I like order.  I don't like feeling out of control.  However this is exactly how I feel about Dad's death.  It's like a bad dream.  I keep catching myself pushing the reality of him being gone back down under everything else in my head so I don't have to deal with it.  I don't want to think about it.  I don't want to accept it.  I know that when I start dealing with these feelings and "grieving" I'll be able to move past this and move on.  Part of me doesn't want to move on.  I want to live in my little bubble where everything is organized and clean and perfect.  And Dad is his fussy old self.  He's mowing the lawn or reloading shotgun shells or painting something.  He's busy.  He's always busy.  He's always moving.  I think that must be where I get that from.  He has a huge heart underneath a shy shell.

Starting tonite I'm forcing myself to confront this.  Head on.  I can only avoid this for so long.  It's time to start the healing process.  It will be a long process.  I have so many memories and thoughts to sort through.  He was a wonderful Dad and loved me and Bobby with his whole heart.  He was incredibly proud of us.

Tonite I take my strength from Alex who, at only 5 years old, knows where "Papa" is.  The other night, in the middle of dinner, Alex looked up at me and (out of nowhere) said, "Mom, Papa's in my heart".  It took everything in me to keep it together but it's true.  He's in all of our hearts.  I'm blessed to have had 32 years with my Dad.  I love him with my whole heart and he knows it.  And every time I hear the thunder I'll think of Papa shooting skeet :)

Love,
E

Talent

I am utterly exhausted and about to fall asleep typing this but I just HAD to post some pictures from this past weekend.  Jen came over Saturday afternoon after I got off work to work on a mural for the nursery.  I had mentioned a while back that I'd like to have maybe a tree painted on one of the walls...  Just a vague conversation (she's an immensely talented artist).  Well, I was COMPLETELY OVERWHELMED AND TAKEN ABACK by how BEAUTIFUL it all turned out!  And it was done 100% freehand!  She sent me several sketches to choose from and we went from there...  Enjoy the pics :)

My choices... 

 

I chose #1!

She made it look SO easy!  Free handing it the whole way!

A wanted to paint SO BAD!!!

The twins observe...

Finishing touches...

Finally finished with the masterpiece after just 6 hours  :)

Teeth!

Well, today was Caroline's day to shine :)  She's finally cutting her two bottom teeth and her little sandy blonde hair is coming in as well!  Enjoy the pics!

You can barely see them but there's two little teeth poking through :)

Oh, the HORROR!

I promise we weren't torturing her :)

She's not picking her nose...She got this pointing thing going on lately
she points that little finger at everything!

And FINALLY some hair!

Trying real carrots for the first time!  A hit!

Like the peas last night, most of them ended up under her bottom!  LOL!

SUCH a flirt!

He doesn't quite have that pincher grasp down yet!  Ha!

Our beautiful babies are getting so big!

Oh, and a weight check just in case I forgot to tell you!  Caroline is now 20.4lbs and Carter is 18.5lbs!  Yay for little chunks!

Love,

E

Little Crawler!

Believe it or not Carter Vance decided tonite was the night to start crawling!  I am SO proud of him :)  We had to lure him in with some "puffs" but still he crawled!  And he even beat Caroline to the punch!  Bet no one expected that one!

Go big man!

Love,

E

Fun times!

Today we tried "real" food for the first time :)  It was too cute!

Mmmm...Peas :)

They were a hit!

That look is because most of hers ended up in her seat instead of in her mouth!  

Love,

E

Strep

YUCK!

Strep has hit our house.  Chris got it first last Tuesday.  He started feeling crappy and finally left work early on Wednesday to see the doc. It was definitely strep.  We cloroxed all the doorknobs and anything possible he touched in the house (and even slept in separate beds!) but somehow the next Sunday I started feeling crappy.  Took my temp and it was 99 degrees but I had a sore throat and felt awful.  So I went to the doc in the box, found out my fever was actually 103 and sure enough, it was strep.  I came home but wasn't allowed to come within arms reach of anyone.  It was crazy.  I got a good nights sleep (not having to get up with babies) though...  I felt somewhat better on Monday but was still contagious.  Monday afternoon we got a call from daycare saying that Caroline was running a 103 degree fever and vomiting.

So this morning started off by taking both babies (just to be sure Carter didn't get it) to the pediatrician.  Turns out Caroline does have strep but Carter doesn't (yet).  He wrote prescriptions for Amoxicillin for both of them just precautionary for Carter.  I spent the day taking care of them.  Caroline was mostly sleepy and Carter was a total grouch.

Mom will be here tomorrow with Caroline but Carter and Alex will both be at school...And I'll be back at work :)

Well, that's all for now, it's bedtime!

Love,
E

I'm including some pictures from our Easter celebration and Bobby's birthday!

All tuckered out after playing outside!

Our sweet Caroline!

I love her expression in this one!

Brothers

Pulling all the candy out of the eggs!